For Now
by Drak3
Summary: A short look into how Harry feels about his best friend Hermione.


AN- First Harry/Hermione fanfic I've written. 1st person POV, Harry's perspective. Unbeta'd. The confusion over a muggle object is barely in there. I don't really think it counts. Heheh.

I only talk to Ron about once a week, or so, these days. Ever since we graduated and finished defeating Voldemort, Ron and I have been busy. We're still best friends, but without Hogwarts, without the convenience of living in the same dorm, we just don't talk as much. I think it might just be a male thing; we're not as good at communicating. Ron's a back-up Keeper for the Cannons, now, and he's out of town a lot. I'm happy for him.

I considered playing professional Quidditch, for a while, especially during the war. Dreams about normal things like Quidditch were what kept me going. But after the final battle, I just couldn't do it. I saw all the Death Eaters that were there, fighting for Voldemort, and I knew I couldn't just dedicate my life to chasing the snitch while any of the Death Eaters remained free.

I don't begrudge Ron his choice, though. After about 9 years of friendship, I understand Ron pretty well, and I know that he isn't cut out to be an Auror. At first, I was a little disappointed, but Hermione explained to me: "Harry, there are lots of ways to fight Voldemort and his supporters. One way is how you do it, going out and facing down evil head on. But what Ron does is important too. Without the fun things in life, without things like Quidditch, life wouldn't be worth living. Voldemort wanted people to live in fear; he wanted them to spend all their time and attention worrying about what he was doing. That's what Ron is fighting." And she's right, of course.

I don't plan to be an Auror forever, either. After 2 years of tracking down Death Eaters, we've caught most of them. There are still a few elusive ones, of course, but we're working on them. Hermione recently found evidence that we think will lead us to Macnair, and we're in the middle of strategizing how we're going to capture him, as he's hiding out in an area inhabited by vampires. The vampires sided with Voldemort, during the war, so our relationship with them is very fragile. We don't want to provoke them by storming in and just snatching Macnair out from under their protection. Therefore, Hermione and I will probably not be the ones to actually go on this mission. Our widely publicized defeat of Voldemort does not qualify us to be the ideal emissaries to the vampires.

Hermione and I have been partners ever since we became Aurors. At first, I was worried that we wouldn't be admitted, as neither of us actually sat the NEWTS. But apparently defeating Voldemort is an acceptable substitute for actually meeting the requirements, and we both got in, easily. In the beginning, we went on lots of missions, tracking down Death Eaters, and capturing them. But there isn't as much to do, now that we've caught most of them.

I've been thinking about what I plan to do, once we catch the last couple high ranking Voldemort supporters. I'm looking forward to relaxing, leading a quiet life. I haven't had time to do any of the normal young adult things, like dating, or traveling.

I think Hermione will probably retire when I do. Hermione and I have gotten a lot closer, since we graduated. We're actually flatmates, we work together, and neither of us has a particularly active social life. That leads to a lot of time together. I'm closer to Hermione than I am to anyone else. She's the only one who's ever actually told me she loves me. She meant it platonically, of course, but still. Nobody but her has ever said that to me, in all my 19 years.

And of course I love her. I can't help but love her, I doubt anyone who knows her can help but love her. She inspires me; I'd go to the end of the earth for her. When we were younger, she was our teacher, she always knew the answers, and Ron and I looked to her like she was our own personal encyclopedia. I don't know exactly when she grew up, I guess it was sometime in 7th year. Our bookish friend had changed. She was a bit quieter now; she didn't nag at us as much. She seemed to be more confident as well, and more inspiring. In our 5th year, she started the DA, but everyone always seemed to give me the credit. It was a bit stupid, because it was Hermione's idea, Hermione who gathered everyone, Hermione who organized it and found the Protean charm. She's still not the natural leader of a group, but she draws out something in me, and in so many other people.

In my first year, it was Hermione who knew the words that would give me the strength to go on and beat Quirrell, and in 4th year it was Hermione who made me believe I could actually compete, and with her dedication I finally mastered the charms I needed. But then, she was still more of a crutch, someone I turned to when I needed help, but I don't think I was so devoted to her. Maybe it was the time I saw her stare down Moody, and made him tell us the information the Order was getting. Maybe it was when she patiently explained the inner workings of a microwave to Mr. Weasely- for an hour and half. She did a remarkable job of it, too. I think she might be a teacher someday. Or maybe it was that time when she burst into my dorm in the middle of the night, shrieking about a Parseltounge spell I could use against Voldemort. Neville just about wet the bed, that time. I was awfully glad I wasn't doing anything that would have led to an awkward situation after Hermione bounded into my bed.

I think that it was the lack of school that tempered her. She wasn't always worrying about grades, but she still had a project. Hermione needed the challenges that being an Auror presented; they gave her something to focus her intellectual intensity on, so that when she was with us, she could relax. She even played Quidditch with us, once. That didn't work out, but it was hilarious to see.

Hermione may not be beautiful, but she's wonderful. Ginny's figure is better, Hermione is too thin from always being holed up the library and forgetting to eat. Her hair is always pulled back, never up, because of the work she does, where she can't afford to have it in the way. But when she actually puts on muggle clothes instead of the gargantuan robes she likes to wear, you can see she's nicely proportioned. Sometimes when she smiles, her whole face lights up, her eyes dance, and you can tell she's about ready to burst.

And I love her. I don't know when I'm going to tell her. I'm absolutely terrified at the very thought of it. What if things became awkward, between us? What if she doesn't care for me that way? So far, she hasn't been in any real relationships since we left Hogwarts. I'm pretty sure she's not still carrying a torch for Ron, she seemed genuinely happy for him when he told us he was thinking about proposing to Luna. Someday, though, I'll tell her. Because I can't even contemplate being with anyone other than Hermione. But for now, we're best friends, and that's good enough.

AN2- I know all the stories in my head already. I write them down because I feel simultaneously super cool and super lame when I get reviews on the intarwebz. Durdurdur, that means that you should review.


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